Monthly Archives: March 2012

6 Winter Epiphanies


This winter has been a life changing experience for me. My internship, writing this blog, and reading many insightful books has really opened my eyes to a new light. I can’t believe how much I’ve changed in the past two months. Socially, I am completely different. I can approach people, maintain eye contact, and for the most part speak in an articulate manner without stuttering. My outlook on life has changed as well. I want to learn as much and accomplish as much as I possibly can with my life.

Here is a list of six epiphanies I’ve had this quarter that have changed my life.

The World Isn’t Going to Change Because You Want It To.

I’ve often walked through life thinking that I would do things different. I thought I would beat the system. That I could be shy and shallow and somehow gorgeous women would flock to me and start making out with no questions asked. I thought I could submit a couple of on-line resumes and get hired on the spot. I’m glad I found out sooner than later that the world doesn’t work that way. You get out of life what you put in it.  The world isn’t going to change. Learn to live with it or die a bitter human being.

Don’t Seek Outside Approval. No One Cares.

Last year I had a huge problem with this. Mostly because a lot of good things happened to me and I wasn’t really accustomed to having good thing happen to me. This was especially bad when I got my new job. I gloated about it on Facebook almost every other status update while my former coworkers where still stuck in misery. When I got a new car I mentioned it to almost everyone I met. The same thing happened with my internship. “Look at me I’m writing in the paper.” Soon everything became about me. Facebook in general was just bad for me. I used to write a ton of jokes on there. I would receive tons of likes from them. This positive feedback was feeding my ego. It pretty much dictated how my day was going to go. If I wasn’t getting complemented in the real world or liked in cyberspace I would get depressed. I know it sounds pretty pathetic but that’s the way it was. The truth is no one really cares about your achievements except maybe your close friends and family. Truthfully no one is envious about my used car, my retail job, or the articles I wrote. What’s the author’s name of the last news article you read? That’s what I thought. I’m not saying it’s bad to celebrate good things that happen to you just don’t go overboard with it. Self-improvement should be for your own happiness. You shouldn’t fuel your happiness off other people’s approval.

Get Over The Spotlight Effect.

Shy guys and gals this one is for you.  The spotlight effect is the tendency to believe that other people are paying closer attention to one’s appearance and behavior than they actually are. You wash your hands and you accidentally get water on your crouch. You then spend the next ten minutes pulling your shirt down in hopes no one will see.  It can be even worse than that. For example, I wanted to go shopping at a nice clothing store because I desired to change my wardrobe but all I had were my crappy clothes. I was scared to death to enter the store. I was afraid that people would laugh because I didn’t look like them. It really got to the point where everything I did, everything I said, every action I made people were watching me and judging me.

In short, stop thinking that people care because they really don’t. Do you care if someone spilled their coffee? Are you going to laugh at them? Do you care that the person next to you in class wore the same shirt twice in one week? Do you care about what other people at the mall are doing, saying, wearing? No and they don’t care about you either. You are an extra in their life as they are an extra in yours. Think about this the next time you’re in a public setting. It will help.

Don’t Give a F**k.

I cannot stress this enough. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things you should give a f**k about. Just stop caring about the little insignificant things. Stop caring what people say/think about you and most importantly stop over-analyzing everything. If you want to say something don’t wait for it to pass through the Senate and the House in your brain. Just say it. If you sound stupid don’t worry about it. Chances are the person you were talking was so worried about what they were going to say they didn’t even hear you. Don’t dwell on the conversation later that night. Don’t let the small things ruin your day.

Be Yourself…..Seriously.

This message gets pelted into people’s heads on a daily basis that I think we’ve kind of ignored it but it’s so true. It’s a shame that many people never really realize this. People can see when you are being someone else. I have this weird problem whenever I watch a movie or a T.V. show I start acting like one of the characters. Why I have no idea. Maybe because I think they are cooler than me and if I act like them I will be cool. I will act like them, talk like them, have the same facial expressions, etc. This fails miserably every time I do it. When I act the way I want to everything is better. There are fake people everywhere. Life is too short to live someone else’s life (unless you’re an actor of course).

It Isn’t About How You Fail. It’s About How You Respond Afterwards. 

“I’ve often said that man’s character is not judged after he celebrates a victory but by what he does when his back is against the wall.” -John Cena

This winter has changed me a lot but I can’t say that it would’ve happened if everything went according as planned. I hyped up this winter so much. I thought this would be the quarter that I would make new friends and my social life would finally balloon. I thought my friend and I would get back into lifting and I could make some gains. This didn’t happen. I continued to be the same shy guy I always was. I was really disappointed with my first few articles because I was too worried about my social anxiety and talking to sources rather than focusing on what they had to say. My friend was so swamped with schoolwork that I couldn’t go over to his place to life. It basically resulted in me spending five days out of my week at home, alone doing nothing. If it was former pre-2011 self I would’ve got depressed and spent the entire time video games. Instead I took advantage of my solitude. I started a blog. I started reading…a lot. I became a sponge absorbing all the information I could get. I worked on improving the quality of my articles. I started lifting at school and my house instead. Sure it wasn’t the same but it was better than not lifting at all. Now I’m stronger, smarter, and more inspired than ever. It may be hard but always try to make a positive out of something negative. Don’t give in to it.

In Conclusion…

I just wanted to say thank you for everyone that has read/commented/liked my blog. Writing this has helped me grow a lot. Mostly it has helped me enforce that I am practicing what I preach. I hope it has helped you as well. Good luck to all of you with your dreams and goals.

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Worshipping Mediocrity


I don’t mean to offend anyone’s lifestyle or life choices with this post. This is a subject that I have felt adamant about for years and I really feel the need to express my opinion about the matter.

In many societies (especially the United States) there seems to be a dictionary definition for success.

Success- [noun] one who has graduated high school, gotten married, bought a house, reproduced, held a stable job, and if lucky retired in good health.

For a second let’s picture two guys both in their 40’s. Guy #1 is single, has no kids, and lives in an apartment. Guy #2 is married, has three kids, and a nice two-story house in the suburbs with a stable job. Which lifestyle does society frown on? Guy #1. People will talk about Guy #1 in a negative way. What’s wrong with him? Why hasn’t he gotten married yet? Is he gay? He’s such a creep. He needs to settle down. Meanwhile, Guy #2 gets the praise. He’s an engineer, has a wife, three kids, a golden retriever, a white picket fence. Man is he lucky to be living the American Dream.

Why is this sort of judgment ok? Who’s to say that Guy #1 isn’t happier than Guy #2? Perhaps Guy #2 is miserable because he settled for the life everyone told him to live instead of deciding for himself. What if I said Guy #2 went into engineering not because he wanted to but because of the pay and the job security? Who are we to judge whether a person is successful or not?

I don’t have a problem with this lifestyle. I just have a problem with it being the set guideline to follow to be successful. You must get married at X age before you’re the last one of your group of friends to be single. You must have a kid. You must get a mini-van. It seems as if some people simply live this life because they were told to live this way. Not only do we blindly go along with it. We worship it.

The problem is our defining moments in life are things are easily achievable. Think about some of the more important events we celebrate in life. Birthdays, getting married, and having a kid. These are events that the majority of the population can and will experience in their lifetime. What makes these events so special? The sad truth is anyone can get married. The real question is are you willing to put in the effort to maintain that marriage? The vast majority of the population is capable of reproduction. What the vast majority of the population can’t do is raise a child in a way that they will be able to maximize their potential? These are the events that I want to celebrate.

Life is so much more than just getting married and living your life through your kids. No one should limit their selves to these boundaries of success. This may be the American Dream to some but it is not my dream. To me this sounds more like a nightmare. I don’t want to live the same life that millions of people have lived before. I’ve already heard and seen that life through my parents. I’ve already watched that life on T.V. It’s like reading a book you already know the ending to.

Again the point of this was not to bash a person’s lifestyle. I realize that I might have come off hypocritical and started judging people’s lifestyles myself. Truthfully, most people are happy with a life like this and that’s great. There’s nothing wrong with it I just wanted to point out that there are other ways to have a “successful” life. Don’t set imaginary deadlines for when you’re supposed to get married. Don’t pick a career solely based on income and job security. Live the life you truly want and only then will you be successful.

“Excellence is a better teacher than mediocrity. The lessons of the ordinary are everywhere. Truly profound and original insights are to be found only in studying the exemplary.” – Warren G. Bennis